TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER BEG FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP

Ten things you should never have to beg for in a relationship

  1. Time

Begging for time is the most worthless argument in a relationship, spending time with your spouse is a mutual privilege and if one doesn’t do everything they cannot possibly do to spend time with you then I’m sorry to say your relationship is not worth its weight in gold.  Do not ever beg for something that is to your partners benefit too.

2.  Titles

If you are in an adult monogamous relationship and the person you are dating is as funny about something as basic as labeling you as their boyfriend/ girlfriend … Then believe they will be funny about everything… Meeting the parents…  affection in public …. EVERYTHING

3.Commitment

This is not for everybody if your partner does not want to be in a committed relationship and is only looking for something simple and casual then respect their honesty. Do not stick around hoping that he/she will change their minds once you’ve proved your worth in gold. You are priceless if commitment is what you are after then be with someone who shares the same ideals as you

4.Monogamy

If your partner has been explicitly clear that monogamy is not for them, and knowing this you still decide to stay them.  You then give up your right to confront them regarding unfaithful behaviour as you knew their position from the start.  There are plenty of people who respect value and appreciate mutual monogamy. Form long lasting romantic relationships with them if monogamy is what you crave. If not accept your cheating spouse for who they are. Stop confronting them and driving yourself insane by going through the text messages and incriminating photos on social media you blatantly already know are there.  

5.Physical affection

The most joyous benefit of a relationship, everyone enjoys a kiss and a cuddle. If your partner is consistently withholding affection do not think for a second they are not physical people, it purely means they just do not want to be physical with you.  Feeling alone in a relationship is the loneliest feeling in the world far lonelier than being single.

If kisses and cuddles is what you crave, be with someone who carves this too. Never sell yourself short and give your spouse the power to make you feel unwanted, unloved and unattractive.  Being physical with your partner is a mutual privilege and if this is withheld he/she is not the right partner.

6. Financial support

Economic dependency is a subject most singletons and couples that are dating like to avoid.  As a gentleman a man should be willing to financially provide for his spouse, so yes ladies date night is on him each and every time. However do not be afraid to help your man out financially every now and again whilst dating as long as he is a hard working responsible person.  Everyone can get into a rut once in a while. If you and your partner shy away from discussing financial woes then you will feel you cannot depend on each other financially if the need ever arises.  If and when you do get married believe me you will struggle. Be honest and open about your financial expectations from the beginning and never be afraid to discuss money.  You should not ever feel the need to beg  for financial support from a spouse, they should help out willingly.

If you and your partner avoid discussing finances and refuse to help out, then you are in the wrong relationship.

7. Meeting family/ Friends

If you are his/her significant other you should be going to family weddings, friend’s birthdays and yes your mum should know your spouse on a first name basis and place a face to the name.  Why should you feel hidden from your partner’s personal life.

In a mature adult loving relationship your partner should be  proud to show you off to all their family and friends. If they shy away from this you should not have to beg for what should be an automatic privilege of a romantic relationship.  The fact is if they don’t want you to meet their family and friends then you are too good to accept that . Ditch them and be with someone that thinks you are so great they literally cannot wait to introduce you to mum. 

8. Honesty

Always advocate for honesty in a relationship, in fact campaign for it brutal honesty and nothing else. The truth and yes you can handle the truth. Be honest with your partner with how you feel about everything, yes they may know you inside out but they are not mind readers. Tell them how you feel, why you’re happy, sad, disappointed whatever emotion always be honest. This is the only way for both of you to avoid hurting each other because everyone is clear on where they stand. If your partner is continually dishonest with you, it clarifies the lack of respect he/she has for your union and this something you should not ever stand for. Always expect honesty and be with someone who respects you so much lying is completely out of the question.

 9. Love

Naturally incorporating all these principles in your relationship is an acute representation of your love and dedication towards your partner.  However as my pastor has always emphasised the problems we have with love and all its definitions. Love is a decision not an emotion, this is primarily due to emotions always being subject to change.  You can be in love today, and not be in love tomorrow. However as an adult if you decide to love someone you make that decision for life and stick to it. No matter how difficult things get, you stand by your choice, come what may. Believe the bad times will come and you love your partner relentlessly even when you don’t love them. Because that is the decision you made once upon a time.

  1. Marriage

If marriage is your ultimate goal, then ensure to seek a partner that shares the same ideals and notions on marriage as you do. Never fear to discuss marriage even from day one. If you fear talk of marriage will shy your partner away from you then you know deep down your partner will never marry you. Marriage is a beautiful, sacred institution, a blessing from God. Do not ever view marriage as a burden or a negative impact on your relationship. If your partner is reluctant to marry, propose or even set a date after proposal then you are in the wrong relationship. Find a partner who embraces the thought of being with you forever and is willing to take you off the market for good. Do not waste time praying that one day he/she will warm to the idea, instead turn your prayers to focus upon meeting a person that would love nothing more than to marry you tomorrow.  A husband/wife that literally cannot wait to wake up in the morning just to hear what you have to say, even after 30 years and beyond.  

What do women want………

What do women want…………..

Women want it hard and they want it straight!

(In every way, shape and form)

 

Whether   women are looking for love in church, tinder match.com regardless of what your ideal is of finding the perfect guy or the perfect match… All women can agree in this men just be straight, literally just be honest and keep it real.  “Am I fat in this dress”, yes tell me exactly where the love handles are bulging out and can you see my cellulite through the dress.  “Am I Fat”, literally does mean am I fat don’t tell me I look lovely and have everyone in your family staring and commenting on my recent weight gain whilst I’m scoffing my second ok maybe third cake with the icing on top into my mouth.   Above everything else just be honest.  Women want honesty however brutal, however hard just be straight, we’ll love for it eventually. Maybe not tomorrow but in time you’ll be the best ever ex anyway.

I couldn’t care less about men even women who (Under living in a patriarchal system have lost their familiarity with their feminine side).  No Judgement!  Come on denote me as a girly girl, a fundamental  feminist living in a fantasy world with cliché romantic beliefs on the notions of true love and soul tying.  I am, and yes I am in to all of that, love at first sight, the magical  first kiss , butterflies every time he calls, I mean EVERY TIME!    No less than 6 months of dating will inevitably lead me to start planning in my

 

head all the different ways he’s going to propose.   However  in my defence that’s only because he wanted commitment, loved me unconditionally and defined as “serious”. Continually insisting upon his passion for monogamy and indeed for me .  So naturally six months in all going well as a red blooded almost perfect woman … (If I do day so myself).  I’m going to believe this is going somewhere preferably down the aisle and my dating days are OVER whoo hoo!

Then all of a sudden out of the blue the beginning of the end emerges.  He starts behaving really distant, no longer spending much time and effort and then wait for it the beautiful lie emerges this relationship isn’t working . “It’s not you it’s me”, and I literally cannot be in a relationship with you anymore because the dog ate my homework. Of course he doesn’t have a dog and homework? I mean he graduated from university years ago, so how does that makes sense…… That’s his lie and he’s sticking to it.

 He’s making a run for it as fast as he can and in order for him to get to his destination real quick,( the arms of a twenty something sharing my dreams of a perfect future with him).  The only thing I can do is hold the door open as wide as I can, in order to be sure whilst I’m slamming it shut behind him that he’s actually gone and another one truly has bitten the dust.

Then comes the late night phone calls to your married girlfriend’s, relentlessly telling you that he was an arse and you can do so much better. The Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream,comes out of the freezer and the independent woman inside screams inside of   you don’t need a man. You’re big and grown and perfectly capable of making it on my own.  Notwithstanding the explicit mental threat to   Sky, if they advertise re runs of “The Notebook”, one more time the direct debit is being cancelled!   After the sleepless nights are over and you start to learn to love yourself again, the real pain of the break up really begins and you’re not hurt that he left because you don’t need to convince yourself you deserve better you already know.

It’s not that he left, it’s that he lied. No they are not the same thing. Lying about why you’re leaving is one thing you must respect his ultimate goal is leaving.  My issue is why lie whilst we’re together you didn’t need to say “I love You”, “I want to be with you forever”, “I’m not going anywhere”.   All the perfect cliché’s of a stable, committed, loving relationship.  All you need to do is lay your cards on the table do you want a relationship from the beginning or do you want  a relationship with no strings attached.

Where are all the straight talking alpha males that are going to give it to a woman hard and give to her straight, where is the, “I’m only looking for a bit of fun”.

Where are those men?  Where are the “I’m not a commitment kind of guy”,

Where is the, “I like you babe but if you want marriage or to settle down I’m not really there right now, but if you want to hang out………”

Where are the men?

 I don’t want a little boy with commitment issues telling me all I want to hear so he 15 minutes of my time.  I want a man who’s going to man up and it like it is, tell me I don’t want anything serious. Don’t lie and refute my choice in the situation. How rude?  How unfair?  How totally and completely dishonest.

My Pastor told our congregation a few years ago that there is only one difference between a boy and a man, just one.  “Boys dilly dally, men make decisions”.  A boy will dance around decisions, constantly changing his mind.  Today is yes and tomorrow is no.  A man is sure of himself. Sure if he wants a relationship, sure if he wants a bit of fun and sure as hell if he wants to marry you! A man will be sure to tell you exactly how he feels.  My advice to men is women want a man an honest man, we’ll leave the boys to the girls.

I’m for the truth no matter how brutal, no matter how honest. Just give it to me hard and give it to me straight.